Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
