Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize