I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize