In the future we'll all be gay
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize