Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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