maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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