Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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