wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize