Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
There's always time for handjobs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
