yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
