Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
