My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
