I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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