I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
