I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
