dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and she was petting her beer can
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
