peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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