i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
