She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
kristin has been a bad kristin
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
