I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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