i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
