if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize