Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
