I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
