I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize