Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
