garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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