i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Success! We fucked roommates!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
