the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
