Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize