No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
