please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
