I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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