when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
