You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
