Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
