Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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