I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
