I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
