I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
