is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
