I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
