take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
