i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
