there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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