hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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