There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
