I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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