dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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