some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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