from now on my penis is your penis
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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