Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
