Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Randomize
