I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
