Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
