I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize