my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
