Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
