already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
