how can u be prego again
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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