Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
