This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
