so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
