Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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