ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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