At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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